In the current modern age India, you would come across three kind of women.
First – The traditionally rooted women who would change her surname after marriage. Adopting husbands last name has been a common practice since generations beyond. Be it our mom or masi, chachi’s of the families, they would follow the custom without any questions asked and so do some women in today’s time.
Second – The women who try to strike the right balance by owning two surnames i.e maiden and in-laws. Be it Kareena Kapoor Khan or Aishwarya Rai Bachan, these set of women believe in keeping their maiden identity alive and at the same time embark on their journey of marriage.
Third – The women who held their heads high by believing in retaining their original identity like the famous Twinkle Khanna who shunned a man who kept asking her why she did not changed her surname by just a mere statement #marriednotbranded.
Whatever the case may be, its completely normal for a women to choose or take decision of adopting hubby’s surname or not. But this has been quite a controversial topic, specially when you have crotchety uncles and aunts who comment and give judgements on your decision.. like some say ‘you are married na, so you should not be disrespectful to your inlaws’ or others may give a tap on ur back and say ‘ that’s what i call women empowerment’ …arrgh like seriously..
So what should one do to ease of the paparazi around the surname change.
1. Talk it out with your hubby. Clearly inform him whats on your mind. You may feel protective about your maiden name, but to clear your thoughts is extremely important.
2. Do listen to your husband on what he thinks about the change… does he feel fine you keeping your maiden name or is he forced by his parents or does he desire that you as a couple be called as mr and mrs xyz..
3. It should not be a one sided decision, a mutual consent is what is needed to let this issue not bother you.
4. Once finalised, ‘say it loud’, ‘believe it loud’ and ‘live it loud’ and let no nasty comments upset you.
Well to just give you a little push i would prefer giving an example of my own situation…I am Mrs. Sonam Jain and i did adopt my hubby’s surname. Initially i started feeling all protective about my maiden name, however my husband expressed his view on how he had dreamed and desired of his wife owning every bit of his life including his surname and his thought process made me love him more and got me to easily take a decision.. Although for my personal gratification i kept my maiden signature intact in all our documents, we broke all the hype the society has created on surname change issues.
Marriage taught me to support my husband in all Good-Bad-Right-Wrong times ..
So I broke my 25 years of long friendship ..
with the person whom i played during the Childhood;
with the person whom i shared my Secrets;
with the person whom i Laughed & Cried with;
with the person whom allowed to be ME..
And here i vow to myself, this is not the way chapter will close & the story will end.
I walk into my moms house to find my favourite pyjamas i use to wear before marriage..my gujju mom tells me she has packed some of my essentials in a bag and stored in some random cupboard which is beyond my reach. I call out my maid to give me a ladder, climb up and open the cupboard just to receive a rainfall of fancy baskets, bag of rugs, some old recipe books and loads of other junk and settling dust which just makes me cough on and on…and in the midst of it i see a small trunk where my essentials are packed haphazardly.
I sigh !! And when I question why have you stored this shit for a long time. I get a plain mundane answer,“You never know when you need all of this”. I try and explain we can buy all this when in need, currently why stuff the house with these unwanted goodies. But moms being moms, she shuns me “I know how to take care of my house, i have been doing it all by myself for past 30-35 years”.
GIRL 1 : I had worn a ‘SKIRT’
GIRL 2 : I had worn a ‘DENIM PANT’
GIRL 3 : I had worn a ‘SALWAR KAMEEZ’
GIRL 4 : I had worn a ‘KANJIVARAM SAREE’
GIRL 5 : I had worn a ‘BURKHA’….But still I became victim of un-tasteful desires
(Fable inspired from the #BangloreMolestation incident)
Menstruation Taboo well explained by a Daughter In Law
Mother in law taught me to not visit the temple and do religious work when menstruating..
I taught her that same religion states a menstruating women should sit in one corner of the room, relax her mind and body and not do any kind of household chores ..
And now she repents her words.
Indian couples on their honeymoon
- Super excited to see fellow Indian couples and ready to strike a conversation
- They hangout together to an extent they add strangers on fb and post check-ins like ‘feeling exited at xyz beach with hubby and fris on my honeymoon’…(like seriously)
- Ask each other on the amount paid for the trip and take pride of the fact that how smart they were to pay the least
- Instead of enjoying the local cuisine and culture, they crib about the lack of taste locals have and crave for homemade dalchawal routine..‘maa ke haath ka khaana’
- Excessive shopping for all the mama’s and chacha’s of the world..‘ Yaar extra bag kharidna pada saaman laane ke liye’
In the midst of everything they celebrate their honeymoon!!